The Marriage Question...

Okay...so here's my question to my friends who has been married 15+ years (and for my dear friends who have married than 15 yrs, I'm sorry but you cannot answer this question). What makes your marriage successful? I cannot begin to imagine that marriage is easy and at times it can be extremely difficult. All relationships are difficult. I guess I'm posing this question, because lately, Joe and I have been surrounded by people whose marriages (married less than 10 yrs) are falling apart like dominoes. People are separating, looking at divorce and for those are still married, they are completely miserable and only stay together for their children.

Last night, Joe and I were trying to come up with couples (among our closest friends and family) that we know who are still happily married. We could only come up with two (and of course we're not too sure about them). So that leaves me to wonder. How do you make your marriage last? When times are tough, how do you push past that threshold and perservere together?

My parents were married for 23 years and they were miserable. However, I always knew that they loved each other, and sometimes people are just broken and their marriage could not be repaired. But today, it seems like people don't try to save their marriages. It seems like times are really tough, people separate and divorce. They just leave.

The advice from conversations that I'm getting is, "don't mess up good thing by getting married" or "people change when they have that piece of paper" and "what difference will that paper make?" Oh and here's a good one that I was told last week by a divorce (and still single acquaintence), "Girl, today you got options...you don't have put with their s**t."  Really? Is that how we view marriage today?

So lately, I have been trying to look at couples that I know who has been married for years (20+). I try to look at them as an example. My best friend's parents have been married forever (30+). They've been together since they were teenagers. And to this day, it's interesting to watch them lovingly interact with each other. Even when his wife can become erratic (oh the stories we could tell), he loves and respects her through all her imperfections. Or I look at my grandmother who was married to my grandfather for 51 yrs until he passed away. I know my grandfather was not an easy man, but they stayed married and my grandmother misses her best friend to this day.

However, for me and Joe, our friends are all miserable in their marriages and it leaves us to wonder if marriage is the right thing for us. I mean are those happily married couples just lucky? Is divorce just an option when we don't deal with somebody's s**t anymore? Am I just being naive because I haven't been married? Believe me, I don't think that when people divorce, that it's ever a decision that's made lightly. I can appreciate that it's an extremely difficult and painful process for most couples (I watched my parents go through it). I guess I'm just trying to make sense of this marriage thing. Because right now I'm extremely confused.  I know that love is not like in the fairy tales and it's not always enough. But what makes love in a marriage work?

Tiger Woods

Here's my question about Tiger Woods and other so called role models....When people do stupid things, i.e., like cheat on their wives with a numerous women, use racial slangs when arrested for drunk driving or just use poor judgement that results in
bad behaviors, they always use addiction or abuse as an excuse? In Tiger's Woods situation, is he a sex addict or opportunist? Actually I don't care that he cheated on his wife. Just don't tell the world that you did it because you're a sex addict. I truly think that Tiger Woods just plain cheated on his wife because he could, and he did it as often as possible until his wife busted him upside the head with a nine iron.

What about Mel Gibson? He was arrested for drunk driving and then he proceeded to use racial slangs while practically falling out of his car. And what his excuse? "I'm an alcoholic". Racist, drunk or both. I don't really care.

So now they all go into rehab to clean up their images and all will be great with the world again. Tiger Woods will recover from this and in a year from now, he will be back on top of the world with his forgiving wife, beautiful children, the sponsors and the media at this feet.

The world will be his oyster.

Ask Mel Gibson. Beside the whole drunken tirade bit, he later cheated on his wife (married over 20 yrs w/adult children) and had a child out of wedlock (after he claimed that he's a devout Catholic). But his image is fine.

I'm not sure what lessons this teaches the world...but I know this certainly encourages me not to let Hollywood or any athlete become my children's role model. That's my job!

Sonnet 43 - How do I love thee? Let me count the ways by Elizabeth Barrett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height

My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight.

For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.

I love thee to the level of everyday's

Most quiet need, by sun and candle-light.

I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;

I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.

I love thee with the passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.

I love thee with a love I seemed to lose

With my lost saints,—I love thee with the breath,

Smiles, tears, of all my life!—and, if God choose,

I shall but love thee better after death.

Happy Valentine's Day Joe!!

Food for thought...

"For there is one thing I can safely say: that those bound by love must obey each other if they are to keep company long. Love will not be constrained by mastery; when mastery comes, the God of love at once beats his wings, and farewell -- he is gone. Love is a thing as free as any spirit; women naturally desire liberty, and not to be constrained like slaves; and so do men, if I shall tell the truth."~Chaucer

I'm not sure if it was my upbringing or just who I am and maybe it's both...but I wholeheartedly agree with every single word in this quote.

Talking with Sharon

I must admit I really enjoy talking with my sister. Although we are completely different people, it's really cool to talk with a person who shares the same memories and experiences. We took different paths in our lives and yet, we still manage to connect and enjoy each other's company. Believe me, it wasn't always that way, especially in our teenage years and into our early twenties. In fact, we fought like cats and dogs about everything. But with some personal challenges, life's lessons and maturity, we've grown very close to each other.

Today, we can laugh and cry about our weird childhood and those funky adult experiences. To this day, we laugh about sneaking her into clubs in the Flats when she was barely 19 yrs old, backpacking through Europe and getting into a huge argument in Paris, defending our Americanism in a pub full of drunk Scots in London and then celebrating our first Thanksgiving in Chicago when we made that kickass Turkey! Good times!

I also enjoy the fact that because we're different people, our conversations are never boring and it's interesting to hear about her life through her experiences. I also appreciate the fact, that she gets my weird sense of humor and my fascination with Medieval (usally gory) epic movies. I mean who else will watch Gladiator, 300 or The 13th Warrior with me? Or who else would've sucked it up and watch The Princess and the Frog and watch me cry at the end? Happy Valentine's Day Sharon B! You rock!!

It's snowing!

I have to admit that when the snow is fluffy and white, it's so beautiful and serene. I really enjoy the first snowfall. When I was a kid I loved the winter and all it's wonderous glory. But I must admit my feelings for winter has definately changed...

Being a little older, I've come to really appreciate and love the summer. I love to hear the birds singing in the morning, having our windows open, wearing sandals and feeling the pulse of the city at night.

However, the fall is my favorite time of the year. I love the colors and smells of autumn. I really began to appreciate those warm days, crisps nights and the excitement of Halloween and birthday parties.

Thank you

I wanted to say that Joe is the best! Yesterday, when he came home from work, he asked me about my day...and I went on and on about this and on and on about that...He was so patient and cool.

Typically, we give each other a little bit of time before we talk about our day... but this time he let me blow off steam.  And then gave me a huge hug and kiss. Joe has a way of calming me down without even trying. Awesome!

Man in the Mirror

Today, I was thinking about Michael Jackson's song "Man in the Mirror". This time I really listened to the words. "If you want to make the world to be a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change..." Those are some powerful lyrics! And then I thought of a another saying by Mahatma Gandhi, "You must be the change that you want to see in the world." Wow!

Crabby people!

So I'm checking my messages from work this afternoon and my old crabby ass coworker just left me a 10 minute message b/c one of the nursing homes (that my client lives in) has decided to fax over a 100 page document to our office (several times over). My crabby ass coworker assumed that I ok'd this transaction and proceeded to lecture me (by voicemail) about tying up the fax machine and APSI's policies and procedures and FYI'ing me and blah, blah, blah...Why are people so crabby and mean?

Honestly, who would tell anybody to fax over a 100 page document?

Now I'm going to have to talk to him and remind him who he's working with! This is the second time within a week that I've had to say something to somebody about talking to me any kind of way...if you don't stick up for yourself people will talk and walk all over you!

procrastination is my weakness...

Well I just took care of some business...didn't procrastinate...I still have to call KSU and handle my school loan situation...ugh...

Question

Today, I should be working. But I'm proscratining...why do I procrastinate? Why am I trying to avoid working and taking care of important business.

I have lots of things on my mind today...It's very cold outside and I wish we could move to a warmer climate. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing out when I think about some of my friends who left Cleveland. Do they have a better life b/c the weather is warmer? Do they have a better life b/c their city have more opportunities? Am I really missing out because I live in NE Ohio?

Okay...time to work...