The Dahli Lama

So today I was thinking about religion and how our world is filled with many, many religions and other various forms of worship. I think as human beings, we need religion or at least need to worship because it helps us make sense of our world, our existence. But now I wonder, does our world really make sense? Has religion really answered our most fundamental questions? In short, I that think over the millennia, religion has made sense to most people. It helps us makes sense of our world, our existence and in our everyday lives.

Then I remembered a few years ago, I was watching a TV special that asked the question, "Does Heaven and Hell really exist?" Now before I go any further with this observation, I'm not debating or questioning anyone's religious choices or beliefs. And I'm not debating about whose religion is right or wrong. I'm just speaking about the responses from today's major religious leaders, which I found to be interesting but not surprising.

That being said, in this documentary, the questions about the existence of Heaven and Hell was posed to  the all the major religious clerics or leaders, which ranged from Judiasm, Islamic to television Evanglists. And it was very interesting because all their answers were fundamentally the same, the message was the same and the passion was just as strong (I think it's how we choose to worship, is what makes us different). Now as far as worship, all the answers varied and they all believed in one way or another that our actions in this life will affect our afterlife (albeit Heaven or Hell). Their answers were incredibly intense, powerful and undoubtly sincere. I was really moved by their responses.

But what struck a chord with me the most was the response from the Dahli Lama. He was serious but smiling and reasurring. His answer was direct and sincere. Now being a Tibetan Monk, I was not surprised by his serene since of calmness and peace. But I was even more amazed by the logic of his answer. He basically said, (to paraphrase) that you can believe what you want, but it's life that you live on this planet, it is the here and now that is important.

What I took from his response, is that our Heaven and Hell is what we make our of lives now. Although attaining enlightenment is very important to Buddhists, I think I got the gist of what he was saying. While watching the documentary, tt was incredible to see him interact with people and other religious clerics. Now I'm not saying that I'm going to become a Buddhist, but I have to admit that his enlighten response to an age old (and very controversial) question definately made me think about how to enjoy and embrace my life in the here and now. And who knows, if there's an afterlife, I hope I'm on the side of God. :0)

Why I am boycotting BP!!

This morning, the sun was bright and the morning air felt good. I was watching TV while my baby was bouncing around the the bedroom without a care in the world. He was playing with "Mac" and I was enjoying the comfort of my blanket. Aidan was happy and content and I was enjoying his company.

And then I had a reality check, I was watching the news and they were talking about the horrific oil leak in the Gulf Region. Although I knew that this catastrophe has been going on for several weeks.  My morning was shattered and sense of peace was rocked to its very core. I'm sitting there looking at the news and I'm stunned by the severe  catastrophic damage that we're doing to our planet. I cannot believe that millions and milllions (and millions) of gallons of crude oil is being spilled into the gulf (as I sit here and type) and we can't find a way to stop it!!

I'm angry because I feel powerless to help our planet. We can throw money into producing, manufacting and marketing oil while increasing our dependence on it. But we cannot find the money, resources or technology to stop a major catastrophe like an oil spill!!

It literally made me sick to the stomach to watch all that oil and our natural nonrenewable resource pour into our waters. I'm sitting here and I can't believe that we are killing our livelihood and our ecosystems. We are killing the animals, sea life, plants and grasslands, and the agriculture that is completely dependent on this ecosystem in the Gulf region and not to mention, those who make their living in the out there. I got the chills when a biologist mentioned that even on a microscopic level, the plankton and other small sea animals will mistaken the miscroscopic oil bubbles for food. How awful is that?

This situation only proves how vulnerable our ecosystem is to man's greed. We take and take and take and have no concern about the future of our children. We continue to drain and destroy all our non renewable natural resources while continuing to increase our dependence upon them.  We do not honor our planet and we have let our greed and dependency to cause mass destruction of our planet and all the systems that depend on it.

So therefore, I am boycotting BP. I cannot with good conscience go to BP and buy any of their products. I wish I could decrease my dependency on gas. But then, who can afford a hybrid car (although eco-friendly and "green")? 'The average person cannot afford these more expensive cars. So much for green living. But for now, I can speak with my wallet. In fact, maybe from this point on, I will start of be more aware of companies and their lack of care for our planet.  Or maybe, just maybe, I can look towards myself and figure out ways to help my planet...so that my children can continue to play and not have to worry about depending on non renewable natural resources to live their lives. 

Health Care Reform Bill

So I was thinking about all the noise regarding healthcare...

At first, I couldn't understand why everyone was so upset and opposed to this plan. I was thinking that this was just part of some bipartisan politics and no matter what, the Republicans would not be happy with any kind of plan.

As far as my basic understanding of bipartisanship...and believe me...it's basic. Here's what I know...

So here goes...the Republicans, which are usually in most social aspects are mostly conservative. In the extreme...they are the conservative religious right. These are the folks that believe that they represent traditional family values. In the most basic politicial principals, the Republicans believe in as little gov't interference as possible and that it's the responsibility of the states to control most of their own legislation. They believe that too much gov't control, will stifle their right to free enterprise (in a business sense). They are afraid that if a large gov't has its hand in free enterprise, then it will start a slippery slope into socialism or worse commumism. Interesting.

Then you have the democrats. Democrates tend to be a more liberal in their social beliefs. Although most Democrats are liberal...some tend to be moderate in their beliefs. In their extreme...they are the opposite left of the Republicans right wing and can be (in the simplest of explanations) described as "tree huggers".  Democrats believe that the gov't should help the people. They believe that it's the gov't responsibility to pass legislation that help the total and not the few. The Democrats believe that if the gov't is not helping the people and have a hands off policy (in a business sense), then this will start a slippery slope of a society of the extremes...a few of those who have and many of those of have not. Interesting

Now I could be wrong...but this is the simplest explanation of my understanding of gov't.

So last Sunday I was watching Meet the Press...and the panel was discussing the passing of the Health Care Bill. Then one of the panelist made a very interesting comment. She said that all the uproar was not about the bill itself. But it was about the social changes that was entailed in the bill.

So then I thought about legislation in the past that designed to help the people, but it entailed some major social changes, i.e. Brown v. Bd of Education (this legislation ended segregation in public schools) and Roe v. Wade (this legislation made abortion legal in most states).

Now I figured that this bill was a no brainer. I mean today there are millions of people who do not have health insurance and our taxes are now covering the cost of their astronomical bills. In addition, I think that it is wrong that millions of people are being denied coverage due to preexisting health conditions. So what was the problem with this bill?

In addition, the panelists brought out that fact that this bill will cover all those without insurance. So here is the social question surrounding this bill...does that mean that millions of illegal immigrants will be covered under this policy? Does that mean that Americans will not have the option of private health insurance plans? Will this plan raise our taxes and hurt small businesses? Can this bill lead to too much gov't control and eventually to socialism?

So I was watching the show Real Tim with Bill Maher (who is very liberal democrat), he brought out a really good point...he said that for those who oppose this legislation, they believe that it's similar to welfare. They feel that it's a handout to those who haven't work for it. And in my experience, we Americans tend to believe that handouts are underserving. Maher came to this conclusion after viewing a clip of a man (suffering with Parkinson's Disease) was sitting in front of the White House advocating for the Health Care Bill and the protestors were screaming and swearing at him while throwing money and saying that he was asking for a handout. Interesting.

That goes back to my idea that Americans tend believe that if you cannot afford health insurance, than it's your problem. Some people believe that they have worked hard for they have...and if you don't...than it's your problem.

The answer is not so clear cut to me.

I think that people are entitled to health insurance. Its our fundamental rights and human beings. I also think that people are entitled to choice...and we should be able to choose whether or not we want public or private health plans. However, I don't like the idea of people being without insurance and having astronomical medical bills...it is inherently  wrong.

Finally, what disturbs me the most is extremism. The panelist on Meet the Press said that American do not like extremism and I totally agree. It was truly frightening to see the a few of the Republicans and others who disagreed with the bill screaming and inciting fear and violence. They were irresponsible with their responses and extreme with their actions.

I think that at this point in my life...I've become totally sick of Washington and its bipartisanship. I'm not a democrat nor a repubulican. Don't get me wrong, I love my country and I am a voter. However, I have become sadden by the state of our gov't and it knee jerk reactions. So I guess, in the end, we'll just have to wait and see what social changes this bill will bring about...

LBJ

So I was thinking about Lebron James and the big question....will LBJ stay in Cleveland? This is my quick answer..."Most definately yes, but maybe not forever..."

Here's why? First of all, the Cavs do not have a championship title to brag about. LBJ and the Cavs are the closest chance we have to achieving a title. I really don't think that he'll leave the Cavs until he has one.

Next, he's the big dog in our city. If he goes to another city like New York, he won't be the big dog. He'll be just another overpaid sports star in a huge city, plus he'll have the compete with the likes of Derek Jeter and A Rod.

It was also brought to my attention (thanks to ESPN or maybe it was WJW) that he if he's goes to another team, he will have to be part of their rebuilding process...and at this time, he's probably not interested in going down that road again...at least not for a while.

Right now, I believe that he has a lot of clout when it comes to choosing players for our team. He may not have that kind of influence if he's part of another franchise.

Then there is the important thing about money and contracts and all that other stuff. Now I'm not a sports agent and I don't pretend to understand how it works in the NBA. But the sportscaster (WJW) said something about Nike, money and contracts from other NBA teams...blah, blah, blah....but it ended with LBJ would benefit financially from staying with the Cavs...ok.

Finally, it's that little thing called loyalty. There's no loyalty in team sports today. Players follow the money...and maybe I don't blame them...But with LBJ, the city of Akron and (even Cleveland) and has been on his side since his very early days. LBJ talents were developed and nutured in Akron. So it's his obligation to pay the city and his fans back with some sort of loyalty (at least a little bit). But that's just my opinion. Go Cavs!!

Artistic License...

So I was talking with Sharon about my blog, and she asked a question about how come I haven't blogged in a while. I told her because there are some subjects that I want to talk about, but I'm afraid of offending people. She said, "its okay because you have an artistic license."

I said, "really?"

So I've been thinking about this artistic license and somehow, I'm still having hard time with this. I mean, when I was a lot younger, I was full of opinions and very strong beliefs. Everything was black and white and there was little wiggle room for anything else. Believe me, if you asked me, I was going to tell you.

And then, I started to live a little, experience some changes in my life and made some tough decisions and sacrifices. By then I was keeping most of opinions to myself and just starting listening to other people.

But now I'm 36 yrs old and I've started this blog. I can pretty much say what I want. So why am I afraid?  I think that I'm afraid that if I started expressing myself that people won't like me. Wow! I'm almost embarassed to admit that...hmmm...

But I also believe in being responsible and thoughtful. I want to be responsbile because my words, my thoughts, my beliefs are to be going to out there...out in the world wide web, out in the universe.

So there is one thing that I know and that is my truth...I've always wanted to write...I love writing and this is an excellant outlet for me...so I'm going to step out of comfort zone and just write...

To my beautiful sisters!

I've been wanting to say this for a long time. As a Black woman, I feel that I need to speak up for us. We've been getting a bad rap for too many years by everyone. I hate the stereotypes that we are mean, head shaking, finger snapping and angry women. It seems like too many people are way to happy to spew this stereoptype on TV, news and radio and I'm tired of Black men using these stereotypes as excuse for dating out of their race. If you date out of your race, then say it's your choice. But you shouldn't use stereotypes or genaralizations to explain your choice.

First of all, people have to remember that most of us are not angry. But for too many years, we've had to carry the load of raising our children and carrying the household on our own.  Sometimes, our resourcefulness and even our frustrations with feeling invisible can be seen as over aggressive.

But check this out, according statistics 45% of Black women have never been married and this is compared to only 20% of White women. Now this doesn't mean that Black women do not have the opportunity to get married. It's just that today more Black men are involved in interracial relationships (or choosing to never marry at all) while most Black women choose not date interracially.  In addition, more Black women are becoming highly educated then Black men, and because of this, we have chosen to stay single because we haven't found someone on our level when it comes to our faith, education and careers ambition.

Then I think of Michelle Obama. She is everything that I wanted to be. She's beautiful, educated, smart and a mom with a successful career. But I was also sad to see that because of her success and business like demeanor, she was intially described by the news media at the "angry Black women". If it was anyone else, she would have appeared ambitious, strong and supportive. However, in order for her husband to win the election, she had to change her demeanor and set aside her ambitions so that she did not have to be continually subjected to the "angry" Black women stereotype. How sad!

Now I'm not going into the social ills of race relations. My little blog isn't going to change the world. But I just know that some of my closest friends (my sisters) in this world are Black women. They are married and but most are single. They are some of the most beautiful, sensitive and self-sacrificing women I know. They work, go to school and raise their children (sometimes by themselves). These are the women I have worked, laughed and cried with. These are women who encourage me go through school while watching my children. These are women who let me cry to them, invited me to their churches and into their homes and lives.

These wonderful Black women are educated, beautiful spiritual, sensitve and wise.

We deserve to be described as such.

So here's what I'm thinking

After talking with all kinds of couples and even single folk. This is my conclusion, which of course can be fluid because that's how life is. But for now, most people that I have talked with have had the some of the same conclusions.

First, communication is very important. You have to say what's on your mind. You have to express yourself and LISTEN to your partner. You may not like what your partner is saying. But you should acknowledge that you HEAR them and you are at least trying to understand what they are saying. Like my mother said, once you stop communicating, your relationship is dead.

You cannot assume that people are mind readers and know what's going in your head. I was reading an article about a couple that was married for over 70 yrs, and the secret to their successful marriage is that they had a "small" arguments everyday. Now this may sound dysfunctional, but according to them, they were able to express themselves and say what they needed to say instead of holding in their frustrations. Interesting.

Next, is accepting that person for who they are. After talking with another couple who's been married for almost 45 yrs. They agreed that although they are different people, they have never tried to change each other. They have accepted each other for who they are. Personally, I have learned that variety is the spice of life. I don't want a partner who is a carbon copy of myself. I've enjoyed talking with people with different views, thoughts and experiences. In any relationship, you shouldn't try to change anyone. Even if they have personality flaws (and we all have them), we should try to accept them for who they are or just move on. Ultimatums don't work.

The same couple also talked about respect for each other. Sure we all say that we respect each other. But do we truly know what respect means? It's more that just admiring somebody. But it's how we treat each other and how we talk to each other. This couple said that they when they have had their arguments, they never EVER called each other names and swore at each other. Now I know, when we're angry sometimes we say things out of blind anger. But when you put those words out there, you can say you're sorry but you can never take them back.  I've learned that from personal experience.

Next, they have NEVER argued in front of their children. I know this is not easy or realistic for everyone. But I really think this is something to at least think about. I'm not saying that we should hide our feelings from our children. I just think that children should never EVER be involved in adult affairs. They should never hear their parents disrepect each other with words or anything else. I think that if children are exposed to their parents problems, it causes more problems and leads them to worry about and become involved in adults issues that they either don't understand or that will lead to anxiety issues. I think that if children hear their parents argue (and the parents know about it), then its the parents responsibility to talk with their children in a level they understand in order to ease their fears. Many may disagree with me. But I feel strongly about this point.

I think that a lot of people who are more spiritual (and that can be defined many ways), feel as if they are more responsible or maybe held more accountable to their higher power. Especially, couples who worship together (and I think that if you have the same faith, worshipping together is very important). Now don't get me wrong, I'm not naive or green. I know that we're all human and even spiritual couples have very serious problems that leads to divorce. But based upon my conversations, it just appears they just don't walk away as quickly. They believe that their marriage is an institution designed by God or faith, and therefore, they are more spiritually accountable for their decisons. Maybe for those of us who were raised in our faiths have forgotten that. Maybe we think that the spiritual guidelines of marriage according to God are archaic. But the older I get, the more I think that having God in my relationship or at least knowing I'm accountable to a higher source is really something to think about.

Finally, in my conversations, I've also learned when these elements don't work, then maybe couples should seperate and move on. At first, I really had a difficult time with this notion. But I think I'm starting to understand. No one should be unhappy and stuck in a situation where they are miserable. I guess I just have a problem with how people leave each other. It's either by cheating, walking out or some other dirty tactic. That's the part that I don't understand. Perhaps, it's because we're so angry that we act on that emotion. Or maybe it's just the need to get away for our sanity. I truly don't know. I also know that everyone is different, we cope differently and not all us were given the proper tools to handle our problems. I just hate to see when relationships end and then when we become cruel to each other.

Notice that I didn't use the word LOVE in my conclusion. LOVE is important, it's the foundation. But once the the thrill of love is over and it's the roller coaster of our relationships/marriages, homes, 2.5 kids, work and just everyday life, then that's when the real things like communication, respect, acceptance, boundaries and faith are the threads that keep love going.